Monday, 9 January 2012

I just don't get it...

Why is it that the greatest crime of the 21st century is having a hairy back? When did this happen? And why is it such a big deal? Questions, questions and more questions. I for one have quite a hairy back, and should I ever become single again (Heaven forbid!) I worry that I would have to make a visit to the waxing salon before I even thought about entertaining the idea of a 'date'...
What I don't quite understand is why it's the back that's the problem. If you don't like hairy men, well fair enough, we all have our types, our likes and dislikes and the things that are deal breakers (mine's mainly children or the desire to create them), but why is a hairy back so much worse than a hairy chest? I just don't get it.
Really, if that's the biggest problem you have in a prospective relationship, then either your priorities are all off kilter or you have truly met the perfect man. I have this imaginary scenario running around my head where I am on a date with a hot woman and I keep spewing out all my heinous faults, my huge gambling debts, my inability to stay faithful, my out of control drinking, my 40 a day habit, my sudden unprovoked jealous rages, my uncontrollable letching at inappropriately aged girls in bars... all of these are dismissed with little more than a roll of the eyes and an almost imperceptible shrug. And then I hit her with the big one, the hairy back.
No sooner have the words left my lips then she's on her feet, her wine glass thrust into my face, it's contents soaking slowly into my Armani shirt... "You pig," she screams as she flees the restaurant, only pausing at the door to reveal my terrible secret to the rest of the diners, before hurrying from sight, the cold night air streaming in through the open door until one of the sour faced (and no doubt smooth backed)  waiters crosses the now utterly silent room to close it. I look around the beautifully decorated room but see nothing but dozens of disbelieving eyes starring unblinkingly at me, their expressions somewhere between horror and disgust, until finally I can take it no more and call for the bill.
The smooth backed waiter brings my check immediately, bends close to my ear and whispers in his most disdainful voice 'Don't come back here until you have your affairs in order, your kind make me sick'.


After reading this Mistress R and I discussed this and she said isn't it weird how not that long ago having a hairy chest was a sign of male virility, and if you have a hairy chest you probably have a hairy back too. She went on to point out that she couldn't actually think of a single male 'celebrity' with any hair at all, front or back, which seems incredibly unlikely doesn't it? 


  1. I remember as a young girl, seeing Burt Reynolds, among many others, with a wonderfully hairy chest. And I remember the stirrings between my young legs that the sight of this caused! Mistress R and yourself make a good point. I did, and still do, like to see a virile, muscular, hairy (although nicely groomed) chest and tummy! My husband's falls under this category!

    Now as far as the back; No it's not a deal breaker. But I do know many of my girlfriends do find it a turn off. I hate to say it, but they rank it up there along side bad breath! I for one can live with it. Though, k prefers (and I have become accustomed to) his back and buttocks being kept hairless. Once a week I spray Nair For Men on these areas for him and jump in the shower with him to help wipe away the mess! And while we are on the subject, I myself prefer to keep my body completely smooth. And although k has a very sexy chest and tummy, darkened with just the right amount of manly body hair, I do require he shave his genitals for several different reasons! That's not to say that I don't enjoy a nice, hairy patch down there on a man! I just prefer my husband to follow my wishes!

    The ancient Romans, and I believe the Greeks too, found it fashionable and sexy to be free of body hair. I remember when, my boyfriend back in high school pointed out in his "girlie magazines", a new trend with some of the women appearing sans pubic hair. I think our present trend of popular culture embracing hairless bodies found it's roots (no pun intended) in those freshly shaved babes. And now, as Mistress R points out, all the hunks on TV seem to have never grown a hair on their chests in their life! Though I can tell you, Google Jon Bon Jovi, and look at his open shirted chest in a photo from back in the day, and then find a more recent photo of him showing off his sexy chest! He too has followed the fashion trend!

    I am with you on your rant dear Robert! I love how you have played out a whole scenario in your busy little brain! Too funny!

  2. I think I'd rather have a 'girlfriend' with a hairy back than bad breath! That really is a little bit ridiculous.