Sunday, 30 September 2012

Some choice...

Ah, multichannel TV, what a wonderful thing.... well, sometimes, yes it is. But this afternoon I was looking to watch something for a few minutes while I gathered the energy to go clean the bathroom and what a sorry pile of shit I found. Well, that's to be expected after all it is freeview!
Okay, but that's really not what annoys me, it's the laziness of the scheduling. What do we have on Pick TV today? Ten one hour episodes of 'Dog the Bounty Hunter' back to back. Okay so what about Viva? Ten episodes of 'The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air' back to back. What about Dave? Ten episodes of 'Red Dwarf' back to back.
It's not that I have anything particular against any of these shows, but even if they were my favourite shows I wouldn't want to watch it all fucking day, and in the case of 'Prince of Bel-Air' they've been showing this thing for months now, how many episodes are there for fucks sake? Not enough to warrant the amount of rotation they're getting that's for sure.
And another thing, when REALLY launched it showed promise, giving us two series of the excellent Tool Academy US and Tough Love, but now... it's wall to wall Medical Emergency over and over and over and over and over... interspersed with Emergency Room and some other medical shit. Who watches that stuff anyway?

Noisy pub wankers...

There's a pub near here that we really like, it's a ten minute drive but since I don't drink anyway that's not an issue for us. However, recently there's been a problem. This woman has started going there and sitting near our favourite table (the bitch!). Trouble is she seems to be in constant hysterics and she laughs at 150db. And it's really fucking annoying.
Last week we sat around the corner in a little room off the main pub, but it's a bit cold in there and you feel a bit out of the buzz (and one of the lights is a bit dodgy and keeps turning itself on and off), besides you could still hear her yacking away like a fucking.... like a fucking.... well I don't know what really.
How satisfying would it be to just slap her round the face and tell her to shut the fuck up? Oh that would be my idea of paradise, a world where people who are that fucking annoying could just be 'dealt with'. I'm not talking permanent injury or death (though shooting her in the face would be fun...) just you know, a short sharp shock to make them realise what cunts they are. One can dream..

Saturday, 15 September 2012

I helsike du ikea

In their infinite fucking wisdom, furniture giant Ikea have decided to drop all the Swedish food from their Swedish shop and replace it with sub standard (and non-Swedish in some cases) crap instead, under their own label. Truth be told this doesn't bother me for the most part, since a) I hardly ever go to Ikea, and b) most everything in the shop was disgusting anyway.
But... and it is a significant but, the one thing that made a trip to Ikea worthwhile was the chance to purchase the awesome and otherwise very difficult to get hold of Maribou range of chocolate. So when I rocked up at my local store and found that the Maribou range had been replaced I was not best pleased at all. Instead I found some very uninteresting looking bars of 'Ikea' chocolate which the staff insisted tasted 'just the same' as the Maribou stuff.
Now call me a sceptical old bastard, but this own brand shit was half the price of the Maribou range, moreover the packaging was massively shit, and common sense tells me that quality chocolate does not come in shit looking packaging. Think Lindt, think Hotel Chocolat.... and then look at this.

I bet your mouth is watering already huh. I mean who the fuck thought that was good packaging? Supermarkets have better packaging than that on their own brands... still I would be kicking myself if I didn't try it wouldn't I? If it turned out to really taste 'just like the Maribou stuff'.
Well I did, and guess what.... it tastes fuck all like the Maribou stuff, absolutely fuck all. The staff are lying bastards who should all die in hell for their complete bullshittery, though I suspect they may have been instructed to lie by their evil corporate-cocksucking paymasters.
It tastes fucking horrible as a matter of fact, it's bitter and I only ate a couple of squares (believe me, chocolate has to suck for me to spurn it!), it tastes exactly what it is, cheap rubbish.
So disappointing, not least because Maribou seems only to be available through the internet at a vastly inflated price. Well thanks Ikea, thank you for jack shit. 
Not only that, but Mistress R bought some of the 'Ikea' replacement brand chocolate marshmallow thingys and she ate one and chucked the rest in the bin. Well I can only hope that people all over the country are doing exactly the same and soon Ikea, you profit-mongering fuckwads, will realise the error of your ways!