Saturday, 15 September 2012

I helsike du ikea

In their infinite fucking wisdom, furniture giant Ikea have decided to drop all the Swedish food from their Swedish shop and replace it with sub standard (and non-Swedish in some cases) crap instead, under their own label. Truth be told this doesn't bother me for the most part, since a) I hardly ever go to Ikea, and b) most everything in the shop was disgusting anyway.
But... and it is a significant but, the one thing that made a trip to Ikea worthwhile was the chance to purchase the awesome and otherwise very difficult to get hold of Maribou range of chocolate. So when I rocked up at my local store and found that the Maribou range had been replaced I was not best pleased at all. Instead I found some very uninteresting looking bars of 'Ikea' chocolate which the staff insisted tasted 'just the same' as the Maribou stuff.
Now call me a sceptical old bastard, but this own brand shit was half the price of the Maribou range, moreover the packaging was massively shit, and common sense tells me that quality chocolate does not come in shit looking packaging. Think Lindt, think Hotel Chocolat.... and then look at this.

I bet your mouth is watering already huh. I mean who the fuck thought that was good packaging? Supermarkets have better packaging than that on their own brands... still I would be kicking myself if I didn't try it wouldn't I? If it turned out to really taste 'just like the Maribou stuff'.
Well I did, and guess what.... it tastes fuck all like the Maribou stuff, absolutely fuck all. The staff are lying bastards who should all die in hell for their complete bullshittery, though I suspect they may have been instructed to lie by their evil corporate-cocksucking paymasters.
It tastes fucking horrible as a matter of fact, it's bitter and I only ate a couple of squares (believe me, chocolate has to suck for me to spurn it!), it tastes exactly what it is, cheap rubbish.
So disappointing, not least because Maribou seems only to be available through the internet at a vastly inflated price. Well thanks Ikea, thank you for jack shit. 
Not only that, but Mistress R bought some of the 'Ikea' replacement brand chocolate marshmallow thingys and she ate one and chucked the rest in the bin. Well I can only hope that people all over the country are doing exactly the same and soon Ikea, you profit-mongering fuckwads, will realise the error of your ways! 


  1. Take them back for a refund!!!

  2. It'd cost more in petrol... but all is not lost, there is a shop in London called Totally Swedish which sells Marabou and they do mail order. Me and my mate are going to buy ten bars between us which is 17.00 + 7.50 postage, which works out to 24.50, which is only about 15p a bar more than Ikea used to sell them. Fuck you Ikea, you absolute idiots.
    I found a news item yesterday about this and there was comment after comment slagging Ikea for their fuckwittery. Ha!