Sunday, 4 November 2012

It's only a fucking kettle...

Our kettle is disintegrating, rapidly. Part of the handle fell off yesterday. Well I say it fell off, I actually broke it off in the process of trying to see if it was mendable. It wasn't. Well, perhaps it was, but it was fucked in other ways too. Trouble is, we've bought 4 kettles in the last week and they've all been shit!
Kettle number one, a silver Breville from Argos. I don't know how but the plastic was moulded in such a way that it looked like it had cracks all over it, it didn't it just looked like it was cracked. I don't know if it worked or not because I never tried to use it. When I took it back the woman in Argos got another three kettles out and they were all the same. Shoddy quality control from Breville, frankly if you let them go out looking like that what else could be wrong with them?
Next, a funky looking white and grey Philips kettle which worked fine (albeit a little bit wobbly on it's base) but made the water taste of plastic. I boiled it and boiled it and boiled it, I even tried descaling it, but no, the water still tasted of plastic. So I took that one back too.
Next a black own brand kettle from Sainsbury's, which upon opening I realised was the exact same one that we have at work. The one at work only lasted a few days before the lid stopped opening, and guess what, the lid on this one wouldn't even open straight out of the box. For fucks sake, this was getting beyond a joke.
So now we have a Russell Hobbs brushed silver one, which seems to be okay.... it's a fucking miracle!
In this day and age should it really be necessary to buy four kettles to get one that actually works and doesn't make the water taste disgusting, I mean a kettle is a pretty simple concept. It's a jug that heats water, that's all it has to do to function, and yet it seems so difficult to achieve.
Still I guess at least we should be grateful that there's no iKettle yet, a device which boils water, while simultaneously allowing you to update your status on CuntBook to 'boiling water on my iKettle'. Still it's probably only a matter of time. Apple seem intent on centring people's whole lives around their bloody phones (or personal devices as they will inevitably become known) so an attachment for boiling water seems a fairly rudimentary step.
Was anyone else surprised that an app for accessing your bank account failed spectacularly at launch? Some things shouldn't be too simple, especially accessing your fucking bank account, don't these people realise that there are bad people out there who will misuse new technology, I sometimes wonder...