Saturday, 22 March 2014

Like shooting fish in a barrel...

The Kardashians... or more precisely, Kim Kardashian, or more precisily still, the press's obsession with her arse. Well, yes, it's big. Unfeasibly big. When you see her side on it actually looks like it's lagging behind her... which is neither normal or particularly attractive. I mean I would consider myself an ass man for sure, but that is too much ass! I was in a supermarket this morning and there was a magazine by the tills which had a photo of Kim on the front with the line 'How Kim got her NEW Bum!'.
Usually when you see that kind of headline, it's usually accompanying a photo of a previously 'overweight' (couple of pounds probably...) celebrity showing off their tight little ass. This picture basically looks like Kim has had a photo of her ass taken in a hall of mirrors, I mean it's fucking hilarious. And the fact that it says her 'new' bum... kinda gives the game away that it's not 100% natural, doesn't it?
So what is the secret of her comedy butt? I'm not sufficiently interested to buy the magazine to find out, but I'm guessing somewhere along the line it involves blowing up a couple of balloons and inserting them into her trousers. What else could it be? I mean if she's actually injected something into her ass to make it that big, then... how will she ever be able to lie on her back again?
To be honest, I'm not a fan of the Kardashians, I don't honestly think she's all that stunningly beautiful... she wears far too much make up for a start. I have seen a couple of episodes of their show (how embarrassing) and it's possibly the lamest, dullest, most boring twenty two minutes I've ever spent. The only saving grace was the douchebag boyfriend with the cane who was such a monumental prick it was mildly amusing to watch him make an absolute arse of himself as he hunted for his 'cane'... Oh my life, make it stop.
Apparently, and I'm sure this will be useful information for all those who haven't read a paper today, Mr Kanye West was hoping to have his bestest bud 'Jay-Z' as his best man at his forthcoming wedding to Kim, only problem is... Jaz-Z's missus 'Beyonce' don't want nothing to do with it because she doesn't want to appear on a trashy TV show. Which means she has automatically gone up in my estimation... I wouldn't want to appear on that trashy TV show either, especially if I had an actual talent (unlike Kim for example) and didn't need the exposure.
Anyway, I think I see the end in sight... surely the wedding is the natural end of the show. But wait, she's already got married once.... well, faked it more like, but her dumb fucking fans still buy into it. And wait, actually that's not her house in the TV show, well never mind... at this point nothing would really surprise me, not even pulling a couple of balloons out of her trousers.

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